MOVED

I moved my blog HERE. Ready set GO!

Finally Friday!!

Ugh.. this week has been slow. I’m so glad the weekend is here AND pay day! I can’t wait to get some extra rest and clean our freakin’ house. It’s a wreck and I’m in one of those moods where I’ll probably clean like I’m on speed. Speaking of which, does anybody have any?

Just kidding.

Since I don’t know what to write about today I’m picking something from my notes of blog post ideas. I need to write more about the ideas I’ve written down anyways. I’m surprised I’ve actually had things to write about every day..

My post will be up later and will probably be long because it’s about being married.

Yay! I got my INCHES of snow today!! I love waking up to this.

Last night T and I went to the awesome OSU/Iowa State game and we won in overtime! It was so exciting and our voices were almost gone. What WASN’T fun was walking back to our car parked in BFE while it’s sleeting.. we were soaked and cold the rest of the way home. Then this morning I wake up to this beautiful snow while my husband, daughter, dog, and cat are all sleeping. I wish I could be home with them and play in it, but I gotta be at work today. I was sliding around a lot on my way to work, but I made it.

Well, here’s to probably a long day. I’m seriously contemplating on crawling under the desk to take a nap.. but our CEO wouldn’t like that very much.. damn you! ::Shakes fist::

Wonderful Wednesday…

See that? That’s the start of my morning. I had my regular cup of coffee in my hands while walking to my desk, but this mug has a thin handle. My cup was fuller than usual so the coffee sloshed around, burned my finger which freaked me out and sent me into something like an epileptic fit all of a sudden, and the coffee went all over my desk, the floor, and my chair. Yay mornings.

Other than my clumsiness, I’m doing okay. I FINALLY paid off an outstanding balance I had on a closed checking account at a bank that I’ve been needing to pay off for, oh maybe, a year now? But I had to because I’ve been trying to get my hubby and me a new checking and savings account with a credit union. It feels good having that other account paid off. Now once I get the debit card I can finally get us some internet for our laptop at home (because of my credit we just have to pay for service up front with a debit card).

Well I can’t wait for tonight and tomorrow! Tonight T and I are going to an OSU basketball game (mom’s watching M) and then tomorrow it’s supposed to snow! We usually have pretty cool winters with a fair amount of snow, but this year SUCKS. I love snow and lots of it and all we’ve gotten so far was 1 inch. No good. So I’m hoping for inchES tomorrow.

Hope you all have a good day!

Finally recognizing the difference

This post is for my true friends because I just emailed them the link to my blog.

I am finally recognizing the difference between a true friend and someone I can forget about. Ever since I was little I loved having as many friends as I could. I never wanted to be alone and made sure I wasn’t. I always had to have someone to talk to on the phone, text, or hang out with at least once a day. I was a very dependant person and never really became who I really am inside until now. I know now I am who I’m supposed to be and who God made me to be, and that’s because I’ve had so much time just for myself to re-evaluate my life and who I’ve become. I finally started having “me” time once I got back from California in 2009. I finally found who I am. Yes I’ve been with my husband since 2009, but I’ve been alone a lot because when I was pregnant he worked and I didn’t. Same goes for the first 5 months I had my daughter. I was at home alone and really got to know myself, so to speak. It feels amazing not defining myself by the people around me. I am independant now and I only answer to God.

My so called “friends” I grew up with don’t give a shit about me now, and I’ve finally decided I just don’t care anymore. It’s really been a burden on my heart how people I’ve spent years of my life with could just abandon me and act like I never existed, but it’s becoming very clear just how much I don’t need them. I have a wonderful life! I have an amazing husband who treats me better than I’ve ever been treated by anyone – I have amazing friends who haven’t abandoned me and will always have my back – I have supportive, loving parents and parents-in-law – I have a beautiful, healthy daughter – I have a house, a dog, and a cat – I have a wonderful job – What do I have to complain or be sad about??

God works in mysterious ways and I know my new and old friends that have stuck around and cared are some of them. They have helped me through hard times, supported me, checked on me, loved me, and made me smile. So I just wanted to say to my wonderful friends, thank you… for everything. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

What it’s like to have my own child

Okay so I know I already posted today, but as I was creating my blog I followed the WordPress tutorial and wrote down ideas for my first few posts. As you can see I had other things I could actually write about already, but now I would like to continue with my outline of ideas. I am going to start with how it feels for me being a mom.

If you didn’t read my long bio, I had 2 miscarriages before actually becoming a mom. They were very heartbreaking to say the least, but now that I think back to the situations I was in with both pregnancies I’m very thankful I didn’t have a baby then. I’m glad I didn’t bring an innocent child into my screwed up world full of anger, drama, immaturity, selfishness, and pain. Today I am the person I’ve always wanted to be and God gave me my baby at the perfect time in my life.

When T and I found out we were expecting a baby we freaked out a bit. I had just turned 20 and he was 25 about to be a father of 2. (If you didn’t read before he has a daughter, 6 years old, from a past relationship.) I knew my period was late but didn’t worry about it because I was usually irregular. I had a doctor appointment that day for my back so I thought I’d mess with T when I got back. After my appointment I went to his work and pulled him outside. I hesitated and then looked at him with a straight face and said “I’m pregnant..” (I wasn’t as of that moment because they didn’t do a test, I was just being a bitch lol.) His eyes got wide and his face went white and he was speechless. I couldn’t hold it together very long though and broke out in laughter. He just stared at me with relief and said “You’re a bitch.”

After lots of laughs and letting him go back to work I started heading home. As I was driving I started thinking more about the fact that I could be pregnant. It got to my head so much that I thought “Ah what the hell, let’s just go to Planned Parenthood and get a test.” So I went there, peed, and waited….and waited…..and….waaaiiiited… I thought I was wasting my time being there because I couldn’t be pregnant. I was convinced I wasn’t. Then they called my name. When I went to the room and sat down the nurse said “Okay so it looks like you’re about 4 weeks pregnant..” and I stopped her and said “WHAT?!” She gave me information along with my due date and sent me off. I was in complete shock and excitement, but most of all FEAR. I instantly began to mentally prepare myself for a misscarriage. I mean, I had 2 already, why wouldn’t I have another one? This was a very scary mind set I put myself in and I became very emotional. I had already fallen in love with this little speck of a human inside me and I thought I was going to lose it – again.

I tried to think of how I was going to tell T when I got to his work and as I did I realized how funny this was going to be… and kind of screwed up. I was joking the first time I said I was pregnant, but now I’m serious. Oh boy. I walked in his work and once again dragged him outside. He saw the look on my face was real this time and something was up. I told him “You know how I was joking and said I was pregnant like 2 hours ago? Yeah well…..I really actually am.” He of course didn’t believe me at first until I showed him the Planned Parenthood pregnancy test results on a little yellow piece of paper. Again, his eyes widened and his face went white. We stood there with terrified smiles on our faces and then hugged. He kissed me a few times and said it was going to be okay.

Fast forward a bit. We told our families, they were actually happy about it, all my appointments went well, and then at 16 weeks pregnant I had gender prediction ultrasound. My doctor said it was a boy, which T was hoping for, and we were so excited! I was so excited I went to Babies R Us, created a baby registry, and filled it with boy items. Bad idea.

Warning to pregnant women reading this: Do not – I repeat – Do not put baby items of a certain gender on your registries before the near end of your pregnancy!

We went back to the doctor at 20 weeks to confirm the sex, and what do ya know she openly shows she’s a girl! I instantly had a huge smile on my face and laughed with so much joy and excitement! T on the other hand stood there in shock and started laughing in confusion. It was a pretty fun day, but I had to go change everything on my registry. Although, I didn’t do that until later in case things changed again, lol.

Around 25 weeks I started having contractions every now and then. I wasn’t worried because I read about how Braxton Hicks contractions in the middle of your pregnancy to the end of it were normal. One day showed me that it was worrysome though. The contractions became more frequent and catching my attention. I started timing them and found out they were coming once every 10 minutes, so I called the hospital and they told me to come in. They monitored me and realized I was definitely in pre-term labor, so they gave me a shot of Trebutaline (a medicine that stops contractions) and prescribed me to Procardia (a heart medicine also used to stop contractions). I was placed on strict bed rest of the rest of my pregnancy…

 Finally at 36 weeks they took me off the pills and bed rest and said she could come when she wants. I expected to go full term if not longer because I had been on medicine to stop contractions for 11 weeks, but boy was I wrong. 4 days later we were at a friend’s wedding when the contractions were back with a vengeance. Previously that day we were moving into our new apartment and I was “nesting” so I helped a little too much. As the contractions came more and more I timed them. Starting out, they were about 10 minutes apart. By the time we all went to the reception I was in PAIN. I could barely walk and didn’t want to get out of my seat. I tried to breathe with no one noticing how much pain I was in. I started timing them again and they were at 5 minutes apart! T and I decided then it was time to go to the hospital. I felt bad I had to leave my friend’s wedding so soon, but she understood (I would hope so). We went to the hospital only to be sent home after observation because I was dilated to 2 cm and they thought it wasn’t going to happen that day. We went home and things got worse from there. The contractions would range from bareable to flat out painful, so I got in the bath tub to see if that would help. I planned on having a natural birth, no pain meds, so we also called our doula (kind of like a midwife). She gave us some tips to help me be calm and get comfortable. None of it worked. I finally ended up on the couch scrunched up in a ball making noises to get through each contraction. T called my mom to come to our place and get ready to go to the hospital, and we told our doula it was time. This baby was coming tonight no matter what those damn nurses thought! At least that’s what it felt like…

The 10 minute drive to the hospital felt like hours of bumpy pain, but we made it. Our doula was waiting for us with a wheelchair and we went inside. We checked into Labor and Delivery around 1:00 am and this time they admitted me. I was still only 2 cm dilated, but I guess I convinced them this was it. I labored naturally for 29 hours and only progressed to 6 cm. My husband was by far my rock that day. he was so strong for me and did whatever I needed. He used all of his strength just to push on my back for pain relief. He calmed me down, stayed sweet as can be, and supported whatever I chose. I fell so much more in love with him that day. After being in the worst pain I had ever known for so long I decided to throw in the towel and have that sweet epidural! Oh it was my best friend… I was so relaxed and ready to do this! 4 hours later (so a total of 33 hours in labor) on Monday, May 31st, 2010 – Memorial Day – at 1:54 am, my beautiful miracle was finally here. She only weighed 5 lbs 6 oz and was 18 inches long. I couldn’t believe I did – I had a baby. I am a mom! She was so tiny, but everything about her was healthy and perfect. The doctors were very pleased. T and I just cried and laughed together. It was the most amazing day of our lives.

I had a terrible breastfeeding experience. I was really looking forward to doing that and planned on it until my daughter was 1 year old. She wouldn’t latch on right, I was cracked and bleeding, she was barely eating and very fussy, I was stressed out, it felt like we weren’t bonding, and everything just went wrong. I tried all the products you could try that helps breastfeeding and it just wouldn’t work for us. I’d be yelling out in pain during middle of the night feedings. My year of breastfeeding only lasted for 6 weeks… I was so disappointed in myself, but switching to formula was the best decision for my daughter. She started sleeping through the night, she was much happier, mommy and daddy were much happier, and my pain slowly went away.

Our daughter M progressed so well, especially for being 1 month early. She met every milestone on time and became such a happy baby. She is always smiling and laughing and loves making noises. She is currently trying to talk, saying “mamamama dadadada babababa”, she sits on her own, tries to feed her baby food to herself, and is in the process of learning to crawl. She is the light of our life and I can’t imagine my life without her. I thank God for her every day. Of course I have my ups and downs with her, but she helps me be a better mother and person, and I learn from her. She brings so much joy to my life. She’s my angel.

So there’s the beginning of this chapter of my life with my first child. We plan on having 2 more later and I’m so excited, but for now I’m enjoying our daughter by herself.

-Mediocre Monday-

Haaappy Monday everyone… notice my enthusiasm? Haha..

I had a frustrating Friday (I actually didn’t mean to make those alliterations). I have been looking at our community college, getting information, was accepted from my application for admission, and sent my FAFSA to them to be processed. I got an email from the FAFSA website when it was processed and thought that meant our community college also got it. I tried calling them all day to confirm that, but no one would answer the flippin’ phone! By 3:30pm I asked to leave work early to go there and see if I could move forward with my enrollment. They closed at 5:00pm that day so I was rushing through traffic and got there at 4:00. The lady at the financial aid desk looked up my information, but had bad news… they didn’t receive my FAFSA to be processed and they won’t for another 3 weeks! I’m going to be honest, and will be anytime I write a post, but I walked back to my car and burst into tears when the coast was clear. I was so frustrated that no one would answer the damn phone so I didn’t have to stress out and race there, and now I have to wait to enroll in the summer semester. But they did say once they get my info I can definitely move forward with enrolling and begin class in March. So that’s good..

To make my weekend better though, my husband took me to a Petco near us that was having adoptions and we got a kitten!! I have been bugging him about how bad I want a cat and we’ve been looking for one for a little while. He’s so sweet and so little, but also very kitten-like, of course. He has peed A LOT on our couch and pooped on the floor, and he scratches the hell out of us when he walks on us. He doesn’t mean to, his claws are just out there. I’d hate to have to get him declawed but we kind of need to for our daughter. This morning as I was getting dressed a string was hanging down and he was on the bed watching. All of a sudden I feel a million stabs going down my side and he falls to the ground. I yelled out and just told myself “He’s just a kitten…don’t be mad…shit that hurt!” Gotta love cats.

Well today is a very dark and foggy day in good ol’ Oklahoma. Makes my Monday that much better. I guess I’ll get to work now since our AP guy just handed me a bunch of invoices to send out. Have a great day!